It wasn’t no surprise that this post made its way to the shade room after Ciara posted it. And listen, to me the most important and entertaining part about TheShadeRoom isn’t the posts – it’s the comments section.
So as usual, I scroll my little way through the comments after seeing this post pop up on my timeline and it did not disappoint. While lots of people shared their opinions on the topic, ranging from how they agree it can be soft, others disagreeing, and some in the middle saying you need money to do so. I didn’t leave any comments under the post (sometimes I just like to watch from a distance) but I did take some time to process my own responses, especially since an overwhelming amount of the comments mentioned she has it “easy” cause she has money. Which I’d add, I don’t think her post was taken to say Motherhood can be easy (because I feel like ALL mothers, regardless of how much you make, can readily agree how challenging, while beautiful, motherhood could be.) This could also be a conversation for later post on what I believe the soft life to mean, because I don’t equate it with things being easy, but I do equate it to not having to struggle and suffer. Anyway, here’s some of my thoughts after reading the post and the reactions.
First, I would be remiss to not share my identity. I’m a Black woman and a mother who holds a full time job and a masters degree. I like to consider myself privileged in the sense that I have a job, a savings account, and I live with my partner, making us a two income household. We also live within proximity to family, (ranging from 30+ mins away) and there are moments when, if we need childcare help, family is there. With these privileges I have access to, I do not live a soft life in motherhood. Motherhood is hard – period. (Someone in the comments said it’s the ghettoest hood and I hollered). Also – can we normalize women talking about motherhood together, sharing the highs and the lows, without having to constantly remind people that they still love being a mom and their children. Two things can exist at once, mothers can talk about the challenges that exist with their identity, time management, careers, body, etc and also still share how much they absolutely enjoy the privilege of raising their children. Please, lets put down mom shaming and remember that moms are people too.
Anyways, back to what I was saying about it not being a soft life (for me at least) Because while beautiful, it can be challenging. And while I have lots of resources — including a job, family, financial stability and support, I can only imagine how much harder it is for those who do not have those things. Single mothers, single fathers, those living in poverty, those without access to resources, and all the things that could help raise children.
In my opinion, people’s confused reactions to Ciara’s post was warranted, because what she failed to mention is you can live a soft life in motherhood – as long as you are wealthy. And to me, wealth can range from monetary value, to family and help. That does not mean it isn’t still hard – cause I know wealthy people cry and struggle too. But it is easier to be soft when you have money, privilege, and access to resources that can make your life a lot easier. So for all my ladies who was up in TheShadeRoom comments who agreed it’s easier when you got money, and support – I’m with you. We are not saying any part of motherhood is easy – however, we are saying when you have access to resources it can make your experience a little more pleasant than others.
And to be clear – I mentioned the mixed reactions were warranted, AND I also agree with Ciara when she says it indeed can be your soft era, I am just adding it can be when you have access. And to be honest, I love this for my girl Ciara. I seen a few other women online talk about how they’re in their soft life in motherhood too, and I think that’s beautiful. I actually wish this for all women. I dream of the day when mothers get the respect they deserve and the ability to live their life freely, authentically, and respectfully.
For Women With Dreams 