Everything was perfect… until it wasn’t.
Two months ago I was apartment hunting and came across this beautiful complex that I presumed was perfect for my daughter and I. It sat on a hill, overlooking the mountains with spectacular views of the sunset. The complex, surrounded by nature, had views of tall trees, deers, and beautiful landscaping. I immediately felt at peace as I drove up the hill to enter the beautiful scenery of the complex, featuring modern designed buildings.
I visited this apartment complex before during the winter months – not during the spring when the flowers were blooming and the grass was a beautiful hue of green. Upon inquiring about an apartment, I was notified that one would be available for us in two months to come. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to see the apartment right away because residents were currently living in it, however, I was assured that it would look like a model apartment I saw. I was adamant about viewing it before signing any documents, and I had to move at a specific time – so I applied for the apartment without seeing it, but I didn’t sign the lease until I stepped my feet into the apartment.
When I was finally able to view the apartment, I figured it’ll do. It looked nice, modern, and updated but I wasn’t exactly in love with it as much as I was in love with the neighborhood. To be fair, I also saw it while they were painting, and there were painters tape and sheets on the ground – but still I decided it was sufficient and went ahead and signed the lease.
It wasn’t until move in day that I fell in absolute love with the apartment. The apartment had beautiful natural lighting, and small details that made it look modern and beautiful according to my standards. The bathroom was large, and featured a large mirror – and I absolutely adore a large bathroom. I, like most women I know, enjoy extremely hot showers and I find that larger bathrooms help me to not feel so humid once I come out. The fresh paint also made the apartment feel like new and extremely cozy to me. It felt perfect for us… until it wasn’t. Starting on day two, and everyday after, of living in the apartment things started breaking. Appliances stopped working, leaks were happening, and worst of all I found pests and mold in the apartment. I was living uncomfortably in that apartment every day for an entire month. Not to mention, the maintenance team was severely understaffed and dealing with more “urgent” issues, like AC’s not working – since we were also in the midst of heat waves.
I didn’t want to move, or transfer units, so I tried to stick it out. Until I couldn’t – and to be honest, the mold was the straw that broke this camel’s back especially because my daughter has asthma. Upon speaking with the property manager, they reassured me that I shouldn’t have to experienced anything I went through and agreed to a transfer immediately. Of course, I advocated for them to cover costs for the inconvenience. While I was extremely sad about leaving the first apartment I’ve ever had that felt perfect for me (and trust me, I’m 30 and have had several apartments, as I moved out when I was about 21). However, I know it was something that had to be done. Luckily, I was able to be upgraded to a new apartment for the same price as my previous one, which was a smaller floor plan of just 720 sq feet. While I grieved my old apartment, even though I wasn’t there for long this experience has taught me two things: the power of letting go, and the power of deception.
I wrote another blog post about the power of letting go, and doing it with grace and faith that something better, and more aligned with you will come through. I also wrote that post while I was in the process of the transition. Today, I finally finished moving everything out of the old apartment into the new apartment, and while I was overcame with sadness again with the realization that the beautiful apartment had to go, despite how lovely it looked on the surface, I was reminded by a little pest on one of my items – that sometimes things can seem beautiful on the outside but there can be tiny little things that add up that causes us discomfort. And to preserve our experience with those beautiful things, we will try to make accommodations even if it causes us discomfort and stress in the process. Sometimes, we don’t want to go through the hassle of moving on, or starting over, so we decide to stay in spaces that we know aren’t serving us – just because on the outside things look beautiful. But still, deep down we know all of the hurt, pain, and discomfort it brings.
While these experiences are teaching me to let go, it’s also teaching me to dig deeper. It’s okay to see something shiny, and love it, but it’s important for me to know that, that shiny thing should not cause me harm in any way. For something to be worthy of my love, my space, my time, and attention, it should be serving me through and through – both on the outside and within.
If you’re reading this, it’s because you could perhaps use a reminder to be a protector of your space, your energy, and your time. Things, or people, may always look beautiful on the surface, but if it is disturbing your peace – there is no value in keeping it around. Your peace is far more important and valuable, than how beautiful anything looks on the outside.
Take care.
For Women With Dreams 