Would you be friends with someone who talks to you, the way you talk to yourself?
Yesterday as I was washing the dishes I began thinking about all the things on my to do list – get my daughter’s Halloween costume, attend her school event, do her hair for the school event, get my own Halloween costume, make dinner for tomorrow, send an email, pick out her school clothes, tidy the living room, the list was endless and almost sent me into both panic and despair. Until I had a moment, a rare moment, but one I am practicing more intentionally – I decided to tell myself “It’s okay. You’re doing your best. Handle everything with grace. What will get done, will get done, and what doesn’t is okay.” And for some reason, that shifted my attitude for the remainder of the night.
It was in that moment that I realized, the seeds that I’ve planted about positive self talk is finally bearing fruit, within me.
Six years ago I was heavy on reading self help books. I still read them here and there, but not as much as I used to. I read them as if I was searching for something, answers somewhere to guide me on this journey in life. A book that sticks with me is The Power of Neuroplasticity, by Dr. Shad Helmstetter. It discusses self talk, and how we can use it to rewire our brain, change our habits, and ultimately change our life. It also helped me to understand that the moment we think something, our brain searches for confirmation of that thought to help us believe that it is true.
Thinking back to while I was washing dishes yesterday, if I told myself that I have so much to get done, I’m overwhelmed, this is too much, and I won’t be able to do it all, my brain would search for confirmation of that and ultimately that would impact the way that I approached all the tasks I thought about. However, since I shifted to a more positive framing it allowed me to move more gracefully through the night, feeling lighter and more confident to take on whatever I can manage. This made all the difference, and this is something I am going to continue to practice. The todo list is always going to be there, and what’s important is that I sustain myself as I work through it all.
This also helped me to realize that I’ve been more intentional about talking to myself as I would talk to a friend I love dearly. If my friend forgot a dentist appointment, I wouldn’t ridicule her for being irresponsible, instead I’d tell her it’s okay, mistakes happen, and I’d say she was probably overwhelmed and she might need some rest. I would reassure her to simply reschedule the appointment, explain to the dentist what happened, and then take some time for herself this weekend. And that’s easier to say when I’m talking to someone else, but I’ve now put into perspective that I should talk to myself that way too. This simple shift enables me to go through challenging moments with grace and love.
I hope my reflections help serve as a reminder for you today, to talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend you love dearly, especially when they have a lot going on. These days are heavy, and as we are heading into the colder months things may seem to move quickly. Don’t forget to pause and enjoy the little things that come with existing, and remind yourself to take things one day at a time. And if you made it this far I can already reassure you that you’re doing a great job.
For Women With Dreams 